NOTES on various settlers of the land of Catan:

Benjamin Tong
The Backstabber

NO ALLIANCES. ‘Friend’ is not in this guy’s vocabulary. Constantly shifting his plans. If you accidentally hand him an extra card in a trade he’ll take it. However, it is easy to turn everybody against him, due to trauma from previous betrayals.

Career Prediction: Will make a lot of money doing quantitative finance.

Jefferson Zou
Sad Boy

Would rather do his homework than play board games. To get him to play, start with “How would it make you feel…” and finish with your own preference (e.g. “if one of your friends made you really sad?” or “if you were going to be happy but somebody just came along and ruined it?”) He’ll get the picture. During the game he mostly grumbles about how he is losing or should be doing work but he’s smiling on the inside.

Career Prediction: One of those dads that doesn’t show affection for his kids but brags about them to everybody else.

Andrew
The Architect

He’s the kind of guy who has three points out of ten while everybody else is about to win at 9, flips over a bunch of development cards, builds some roads and suddenly it’s game over. I still don’t really understand how it works; maybe he has cards up his sleeve?

Career Prediction: Serial entrepreneur.

Michael
The Machine

Plays optimally – he can calculate the probability of a certain dice roll in his head instantaneously. Will sometimes try to squeeze more out of deals by saying, “I need you to sweeten the deal a little” and refers to wheat as “that sweet sweet grass”. Perhaps he has diabetes?

Career Prediction: First human to upload consciousness to the A.I. singularity.

Evan
‘Nice Guy’

Always gets a good set-up for resources, but then makes a deal with somebody who completely rips him off. Eventually ends up in second place.

Career Prediction: Thrown into a well by some power-hungry psychos.